VIDEO_DIARY_001 [ video ]

[screamingeagles]

[The feed opens to reveal BLU Soldier's upside down face, or what you could see of it through the ridiculously waving blades of long grass that he had attach to his helmet. Camouflage pro right here. Judging by the amount of shade he was sitting in and the tree he had his back to, the man was probably hiding somewhere as well.]

Attention, video diary! It is day one, hour... [Soldier looks around, then at the upside down device, trying to find the time] ... hour-some-time-before-lunch, and I have already encountered HOSTILES! Guerrilla forces were waiting to AMBUSH me when I walked into the tall grass!

[The feed is turned sloppily to show the tall grass just outside of Bark Town with Soldier's pokemon Spy standing in the distance next to it, all still upside down. Noticing Soldier turn to him, the Sawk waved a little before the device was turned back to Soldier's face.]

I don't know if this is a training routine, or some sort of test, but by GOD I will find the sonofabitch who leads these ladies playing dress-up-like-weird-creatures and teach him how to fight like a REAL MAN! Hiding and ambushing is for spineless cowards like Spy or Sniper!

Comments

[ voice ]

[mamipunch]

Well then, put that boot to use, soldier! However, as there are civilians around as well as other innocent alien animals known as Pokemon, hold your fire if necessary! Do you copy?? Another thing - never leave your partner and fellow soldiers behind! We have a mission to accomplish, soldier!

[ "Boom! Kapoosh!" ]

Heard, understood, and acknowledged - keep it that way, soldier! Oh, and report back on your current base and location! Captain Futami, over and out!

[ voice ]

[screamingeagles]

[Soldier simply and rather gleefully responded "YESSIR" to all of the commands he was issued. What, he wasn't going to question what mission he was supposed to accomplish?

Nahhh. All the war noises was getting Soldier caught up in how PATRIOTIC and AMERICAN this Captain Futami was.]

Understood, SIR! Er, well... I am stationed in a foxhole outside of some small pathetic excuse for a city called BARK TOWN, SIR!

...

Do you happen to know if there is any way to get rid of the constant hippie music, SIR! BLU Soldier over and out!

[ voice ]

[mamipunch]

Understood! Now listen closely soldier, if you're in New Bark Town, that means you've only just started on your mission! Your next course of action is to move and head to the next city, where an army base and a military quarters is stationed! Head over there fast, soldier! We need you alive! [ By military quarters, she means an inn, of course. But that'd be no fun, would it? ]

Unfortunately, that constant hippie music is the enemy's way to distract us from our mission, and there is no way as of yet to get rid of it. But we will not be swayed by such music! We shall prevail and victory will be ours!

[ voice ]

[screamingeagles]

[Now THIS is what Soldier needed! An important mission that must be executed in a timely manner all the while fighting through field of tall grass teeming with hippies Pokemon. With any luck, it'd be all uphill towards the next city as well, and there would be some jumping-on-grenades involved.]

Got it, Video Diary-- I mean SIR! They are all maggots hatched from mutant maggot eggs! [Soldier dramatically begins waving around and jabbing at the device.] They'll be no match against ME! I will strike the fear of Amer--

[BEEP! The rest of Soldier's heartfelt and crazed patriotic speech was cut off as he accidentally closes the feed. Children and Pokemon alike beware! A dangerous force has been given purpose and set loose amongst you!]